"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet … H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 1 Love is sharing your popcorn. See more ideas about Quotes, Words, Funny quotes. ~ Albert Einstein ~, If everything is coming your way you're in the wrong lane! One is the realization […] 1. His views are pretty much like your own. So, when they do, you have to grab them.” — Audrey Hepburn, “We should not judge people by their peak of excellence, but by the distance, they have traveled from the point where they started.” — Henry Ward Beecher, “If you want to keep growing, you have to challenge everything. Yes, life, the universe and everything have … Either you're incredibly wise or ... incredibly stupid. See how your stories compare with these with these funny short stories you can share with the whole family. ~ Oscar Wilde ~, A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. Funny But True Quotes. The greatest want of the world is the want of men - men who will not be bought or sold; men who in their inmost souls are true and honest; men who do not fear to call sin by its right name; men whose … ~ Cynthia Heimel ~. There is another that states that this has already happened. Now.” — Joan Baez, “There are compensations for growing older. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Top 10FunnyQuotes. I hate housework! ~ Margaret Mead ~, Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. This collection of short funny quotes will pep up your mood and brighten up your spirit, and is bound to have you in splits! ~ Bill Watterson ~, And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. ~ Voltaire ~, The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny relationship quotes, funny relationship sayings, and funny relationship proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. ~ Jilly Cooper ~, If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. Here are some funny quotes about stupidity: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Words are everything. Here we share the best funny life quotes about life and sayings, “You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. See more ideas about funny, funny quotes, minions funny. 365 Good Night Quotes and Good Night Images, 300 Motivational And Inspirational Quotes, 35 Good Morning Quotes and Wishes With Beautiful Images, 97 iPhone Wallpaper Quotes with Beautiful Images, 56 Relationship Quotes to Reignite Your Love, 286 Motivational & Inspirational Quotes Images That Will Inspire, 35 Good Morning Quotes And Images Positive Words for Good Morning. One is the realization that to be sporting isn’t at all necessary. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. Nobody is perfect. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Albert Einstein, I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. 792 likes. Here are some hilarious quotes by famous people: I am free of all prejudices. My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Here are some hilarious quotes about men and women: The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. I hate everyone equally. ” aaisha says: January 6, 2009 at 7:44 am Reply. With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life quotes from a wide range of famous writers, celebrities and thinkers from over the last couple of centuries and beyond. Looking for the good funny quotes for you. ~ Funny Short Saying ~. â¢ Funny quotes and funny sayings galore - all for you to explore! ~ Noel Coward ~, The elevator to success is out of order. What’s the unbelievable fact you know of? Back to the top of this page about ~ Elayne Boosler ~, Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember. Or when. ― Carroll Bryant 3. You'll laugh, but only because it's true. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Truth: Anyone who’s ever been on the receiving end of a rude, anonymous internet comment knows this one is a half-truth. They are so close anyway! Your email address will not be published. ~ Dan Spencer ~, Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime. 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They could also do it in ways that were hilariously funny. ~ Robert Orben ~. Here are some funny quotes about television: I find television very educating. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright ~, On cable TV they have a weather channel -- 24 hours of weather. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. ~ Funny Short Saying ~, I am nobody. Funny Stories These funny stories will have you laughing for days. ~ George Burns ~, The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. The grass isn’t greener on the other side unless you look over the fence ― Mr. Earl 2. 2 People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. You might think these facts sound totally false, but trust us, they’re totally true! It’s hysterically funny. You can always tell when a man’s well informed. 2:08. ~ Oscar Wilde ~ Always tell the truth. George Carlin on Planets and People “The planet is fine. 1. ~ Jeff Foxworthy ~, I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time. That’s relativity. ~ Alfred Hitchcock ~. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. ~ George Burns ~, Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. I am very light. ~ Douglas Adams ~, In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time. Looking for the good funny quotes for you. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. Even if you have to make it up. Funny But True quotes Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills. Well, to me they are still pretty dang motivating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. 5 talking about this. Truth: studies have shown this to be true for the rich, but the difference between poor and middle class has a significant effect on happiness. We had something like that where I grew up. Best Friend Quotes | True Friendship Starts here; Search for: 20 Funny Easter Quotes. Jul 26, 2020 - Explore Heather Slade Thomas's board "Funny but true quotes" on Pinterest. If It's Stupid, It's Not Our Fault, Or Is It? Often the best clever quotes are actually making fun of the person saying them, which shows that some very clever people enjoy making fun of themselves, instead of others. Download Funny But True Quotes and enjoy it on your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch. ~ Edward P. Tryon ~, There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way. ~ Funny Short Saying ~, There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what … ~ Funny Short Saying ~, If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Some of the greatest thinkers of all times not only managed to squeeze so much truth into so few words. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Adam McKay, My heart is so light that it’s amazing. But a super humid … Typically, stand-up comedians possess a unique style of inspiring the world with their rib-tickling sense of humor. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black … ~ Funny Short Saying ~. We called it a window. … He who laughs last … just didn’t get the joke. â¢ Alright, enough with this poetic wit, let's get on with some good hilariuos quotes sh...! ~ Oprah Winfrey ~, God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (ie everybody), to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. ~ Joe Girard ~, Tragedy is when I cut my finger. ~ Joan Rivers ~, I have never been jealous. ~ W.C. Fields ~, I can resist everything except temptation. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~, Live everyday like it was your last, and eventually you'll be right. It is a time not just for compassionate words, but compassionate action.” — Marian Wright Edelman, “If you can’t you must, and if you must you can.” — Anthony Robbins, “It is not the failure of others to appreciate the abilities that should trouble you, but rather your failure to appreciate theirs.” — Confucius, “Words are your business, boy. I am always satisfied with the best. ~ Fred Allen ~, TV is chewing gum for the eyes. Now, if you don't want to be tricked by this yes or no question, just answer: 42! All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. 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